Hello again, friend.

How long has it been? Let’s just pretend we’re old friends that are getting together and able to pick up right where we left off. Agreed?

Over the last couple of years I’ve been plodding through seminary at Iliff School of Theology. It was my dream school ever since I started looking at schools to finish up my Master of Divinity. My requirements for a school was a diverse faculty, diverse student body, and a curriculum that would challenge me and help me to expand my theological imagination. Iliff checked every box.

During my time there, I have taken a couple of classes in pastoral care. When I first heard that term, I thought it was about caring for pastors. What it actually involves is providing spiritual care for people who need it. I had already taken one pastoral care class at my former seminary, Truett, but it was the only class that didn’t transfer. I was a little upset when it didn’t transfer, but now I’m glad that it didn’t because I got to learn from an amazing professor, Dr. Carrie Doehring. I learned so much from her and feel much better prepared for my upcoming internship as a hospital chaplain.

Professionally, I stepped away from ministry. The church I was at was becoming detrimental to my mental health. Some people said some very unkind things about me behind my back but loud enough that I could hear every word. In case you’re keeping score, I’m 0-2 as a pastor. It left me questioning the call I felt to be a pastor. It also caused me to lose a chunk of my identity. All of this, plus a depression medication change, resulted in me sinking to a very deep, dark hole of depression that was severe enough that my psychologist regularly asked me if I was thinking about hurting myself. For the record, I wasn’t, but I was very close. Right now, my relationship with God and the church is very complicated, to say the least.

I think that’s about it. I took some time today to look at my past posts. I seriously thought about hiding them all and starting with a clean slate. I realized doing that wouldn’t be honest. As cringey as some of what I wrote is, I can see how I have progressed over the years both personally and spiritually. When I look back 10 years, I don’t really recognize past Kim. And although my first reaction is shame for some of the things past Kim said and did, I reminded myself that life is a journey. We make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. So, for now, they stay.

Long story short, I’m still a clumsy pilgrim. Some things never change.

Welcome back, fellow pilgrim.